Broken Bats and Wet Bleachers

I have had the song "Float On" by Modest Mouse stuck in my head all day. When I was in the car, when I was sitting in the bleachers at the Rockies game, and even walking around Safeway at the end of the night. Even as I'm sitting here while Get Him To The Greek plays in the background all I hear is the chorus.

"And we'll all float on alright
Already we'll all float on
Now don't you worry we'll all float on"

As it echoed in my mind as we drove home, as the lightning flashed in the distance, I felt so in tune. For the first time in weeks I felt at peace with myself, with my friends. The road stretched out in front of me and I just floated on its concrete path. No worries, no regrets, no second-guessing. It was just me. Things are looking up.

At First

It wasn't the easiest week. Things were getting good, that much is certain, but I had a pretty rough workload and getting through it was a slog to say the very least. In essence, I was working for Wednesday night and all that stood in my way was an exam in Environmental Science. But then, then I could finally go to the Rockies - Giants game, unwind, relax, and kick back with some baseball on a surprisingly cold April night.

Needless to say, I was excited. You know, that's probably an understatement. Anyways, it started with all of us meeting up in the ping pong lounge, laughing, trying to get organized in some semblance of order to get rides together over to the ball park.

We're too gangster for you. I'm also in the rearview mirror

 Next thing I know, I'm sitting in the back of Levi's truck rapping "Teach Me How To Dougie" while we're all sitting back cracking jokes while in traffic. I laid my head back, put my arm out the window periodically, and enjoyed the ride to the park. We got there, and everyone that had come with us was already in the baseball mindset. We were loud, we laughed, and we made our way up to the RockPile. Section 403; Rows 11 and 12.The bleachers were soaked, but luckily Dusty brought a towel, that didn't really work too well. Then he promptly decided to spin it above his head, throwing water over everyone sitting next to him. Then we just kept taking pictures, laughing, and all manner of other loud things that were massively fun.

You know, in the beginning I was still locked in my shell. I was loud... to an extent. But I kept myself in my comfort zone, clapping only when I needed to, keeping my conversation relatively quiet. This was the norm for me, going to an event to have fun with friends and then retreat into my shell when I'm thrust into the public's eye.

But Then

 It looked as though I was sitting at a divide. On my right was my usual attitude at a game. Some cheers, lots of clapping, and conversation relegated to mostly the people around me. On my left, the wildest energy, far beyond anything I thought I could even dream of keeping pace with. Remember my last post Burn, Burn, Burn? Then you'll remember me talking about how I found it difficult keeping up with my friend Sean when, compared to my friends at the baseball game, is relatively subdued. Not only was this an opportunity to pretty much self-advertise previous posts to monger more views, but it also serves as a comparison. At first I felt as though I was a snail trying to keep pace with a rabbit, granted the snail didn't try at the starting line.

I've always wanted to be that left side of myself. Just live along with everyone else. Go with the flow, take everything as it comes. I've always longed to leave behind my insecurities and go. Who cares what anyone else thinks? It took me a long time, but slowly the left side took over. I actually know the exact point where it came in.

It was about halfway through the fifth when a wall of water fell across the park. It was actually hilarious, watching the water fall perfectly in line to our seats from across the field. Everyone scrambled for their umbrellas. We had two. We fit about ten people under them. It was insane, all crowded under the umbrellas, crushing each other and laughing our collective heads off. I don't know, something right there just clicked and my shell ceased to be.

This is proof. You just can't see the overlap from the second umbrella.

So from there on out I was loud, I was laughing with the rest of them. At one point there were some people rooting for the Giants loudly. So I made my friend Dillon laugh by starting a good chant of "We can't hear you" as loud as I could. Granted, I wasn't original as some people had already done that. But hey, I get points for going outside my comfort zone on that one. The night continued on like that, I could be funny without making terrible jokes, I could make people smile just by being a part of something.

That's when the smile started. I can say that it hasn't faded since we left that ballpark. Though, I will admit there were several moments afterwards where I had some doubt. I mean, it's always going to creep back, doubting is what makes me, well, me. Here's the thing, one thing I'm learning is that I don't need to doubt. Life is good, I just have to take part.

And what a life it will be.

And So

We're back to where I started. Floating on with a smile on my face. It's working, too. I've been talkative to a better extent. I've been making less terrible jokes, my head feels clearer. At the risk of sounding like a complete cheese-ball, the skies look a little bluer even when the clouds are rolling in. I feel like the more I keep what I learned at the ballpark, the more things are going to look up for me. For now, I'm going to wrap this up, maybe head to bed or just hang out in the lounge for a little while longer. I still have a goofy smile plastered to my face.

Bring on the TA Interview. Until next time...

Special thanks to Mark Nutting for getting us the tickets to the game, and thanks to Jess Erjavec and Olivia Kilbarger whom I shamelessly stole two pictures from.